New dad refuses to call baby daughter by her given name “Hana”, prefers to use the name he always loved “Lily” that his wife cannot pronounce: ‘He’s needlessly confusing our infant child’

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 25, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Naming your child can be incredibly emotional and personal. A name is not just a word; it is tied to culture, identity, and even the way parents imagine their children's futures. Sure, some people can just scroll through a list of popular baby names and pick the first one that jumps out to them, but for many, the decision carries a ton of weight.

When my own cousin had her first baby, she and her husband simply couldn't agree on a name. He wanted something super traditional, and she wanted something more contemporary and unique. Everyone compromise felt like one was giving up more than the other. On the opposite end of the spectrum, another cousin sent a handful baby name options in the family groups chat as a poll, and every aunt, uncle, sibling, and cousin voted for their favorite.

One internet user's experience with baby naming was riddled with conflict. For some reason, he's always been completely set on having a daughter named "Lily." However, she has trouble pronouncing this particular name due to her accent. Now, after finally settling on a baby name they were both supposedly psyched about, she's caught him calling her daughter by the name he always wanted instead. He insists it's just a harmless nickname, but to her, it feels like a broken promise. 

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  • 01

    AITA for insisting my husband calls our daughter by her given name?

    Man holding a baby
    via miodrag ignjatovic from Getty Images Signature
  • 02
    Me (30F) and my husband (35M) have been together for close to 5 years (married for 2) and just had our first daughter, Hana. I am from Japan, my husband is a European, this will be important for the story.
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 03
    Before Hana was born, my husband and I had several long discussions about names. My husband was very vocal about wanting to name our first
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 04
    daughter Lily, said he always loved the name and always imagined a potential daughter named Lily. I like the name, but I grew up in Japan. Due to that I'm not able to pronounce
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 05
    some Western sounds properly, L being one of the worst. I told my husband I feel uncomfortable about giving our daughter a name I will be
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 06
    unable to pronounce properly. He was disappointed, we talked about it multiple times. He suggested I could try a speech therapy, which I was
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 07
    prickly about, because I don't feel like I have a speech impediment, it's the way I was raised. Eventually we agreed on the name Hana, which is also a flower name, and he seemed happy enough about it.
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 08
    Woman making a list of female baby names
    via Africa images
  • 09
    Long story short, now that all three of us are home from hospital, I caught my husband calling our daughter Lily when they're alone. He never calls her that when other people are around, only when it's just the two of them.
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 10
    When I confronted him about it, he laughed and said it's just a private nickname, and that a lot of people grow up being called by multiple
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 11
    names. I feel that he's needlessly confusing our infant child, and more importantly, I feel like he's breaking our promise when we agreed on not
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 12
    calling her that. I also feel a little betrayed that he's calling her a name I'm genuinely unable to pronounce properly.
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 13
    Dad holding a baby, mom kissing baby's cheek
    via annakraynova
  • 14
    AITA? Am I blowing this out of proportion or am I in the right here?
    via u/ExtremeCantaloupe876
  • 15
    The name LILLY spelled out in block letters
    via wStefan Petersohn from Getty Images
  • 16
    ISmokeWinstons I am curious why the husband is de d set on this name to the point he does not care his wife cannot pronounce it
    via u/ISmokeWinstons
  • 17
    metaldeval Maybe she married severus snape
    via u/metaldeval

  • This was legitimately my first thought. Is her husband a potions professor at a renowned school of witchcraft and wizardry? Does the baby in question have red hair and green eyes? Is he able to conjure a Patronus, and if so, is its shape a fawn?

  • 18
    TheVorpalBunny Legally my name is Brendan, I go by Max.
    via u/TheVorpalBunny
  • 19
    In my case it started the same way. My dad really wanted to name me Brendan, my Mom really wanted to name me Max, as there's no Polish equivelent to the other name. My dad got his way, legally I'm Brendan. My
    via u/TheVorpalBunny
  • 20
    mother would just call me Max anyways. As time went on, by kindergarten I just started responding to Max more than the other name. All my friends, family, classmates, coworkers now know me as Max. .
    via u/TheVorpalBunny

  • At least Max sounds like something of a nickname; Lily is just literally a completely different name to Hana. 

  • 21
    Growing up this could make roll-call at schools a bit confusing, as I was put down as Brendan. In my early 20's I found it a bit confusing to know when to use which name for forms and paperwork. I tried going as Brendan in
    via u/TheVorpalBunny
  • 22
    my mid 20s, so now a couple of relationships I started in that time period still know me by that name... IE, my doctor, my personal trainer and a few co workers at one particular job site.
    via u/TheVorpalBunny
  • 23
    I since reverted back to Max. It hasn't caused me any significant hardships, other than minor annoyances here and there. But despite what a huge chunk of the thread is saying, yes, there's a chance that she'll just chose Lily as her functional name at some point.
    via u/TheVorpalBunny
  • 24
    bitter_liquor My grandmother is the same. Legal name is Mary, has gone by Alice her entire life. Parents each liked a different name. She responds to both names. I don't think this issue is that serious.
    via u/bitter_liquor
  • 25
    DeepSeaDarkness The issue is serious if one of the parents cannot say one of the names
    via u/DeepSeaDarkness
  • 26
    -okily-dokily- And in this case, it's only the dad calling her that in private as a pet name, and uses her real name the rest of the time and in front of others, so I agree, definitely not that serious.
    via u/-okily-dokily-
  • 27
    Purpleonyxx I think people are focusing on how the child may be confused. I don't think this will become a problem, though I do see and understand why you're scared because „lily" is an actual name compared to a lot of the nicknames people are sharing here.
    via u/Purpleonyxx
  • 28
    That said to me the focus of this is that you agreed to not use that name. I get that he had a wish, but you have a valid reason to exclude that name. As of right now I think it's weird of him to do that, but unless he's not forcing other people to use that name I think it's fine. I would have a conversation with him, about why he wasn't transparent with you.
    via u/Purpleonyxx

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